Advice for gay teens

Heather Newby, Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Behavioral Health Care Manager at Children's Health℠, has spent two decades supporting LGBTQ+ kids and teens. Newby shares advice for teens who want to come out and how parents can support them. "It can take a lot of courage to show up in the world as your true self. Being a teen in the LGBTQ+ Community can feel even harder.

Whether you’re out, questioning, DL, trade, or navigating the everyday challenges of identity, four LGBTQ+ folx want you to know—you’re not alone. From New York to Canada, these voices are living proof that youth can grow into powerful, passionate, thriving individuals. 8 great resources to help parents and families support, love, and care for LGBTQ+ teens as they share their identity with more people.

Exploring your sexual orientation and/or gender identity can bring up a lot of feelings and questions. Inside this handbook, we will work together to explore your identity, what it might be like to share your identity with others, and provide you with tools and guiding questions to help you think about what coming out means to you.

Parenting a teen can be hard, especially a teen who is LGBTQ+. Here are four things you can do to support your LGBTQ+ child’s health and wellbeing. Take your time to experience your sexual and romantic feelings or your gender without trying to use identities to define them. No proof needed. It's OK not to know yet.

Asexuality is real and it is also a spectrum. Being trans is real and it is, again, a spectrum. Homosexuality and heterosexuality are also real and also a spectrum.

If you don't fit the black and white of these identities, that's OK — you just might fit in the gray area. I eventually found refuge in a queer tinder match and even just that stunted coming out conversation with a stranger helped me beyond measure. I was young and confused, and having good sex with people that had a penis wasn't really what I was expecting.

A lot of my straight friends told me that it was great and blah blah blah — but it was kinda just weird to me. It didn't hurt, it wasn't traumatic, it just wasn't enjoyable. But I felt like I had to pretend to like it and that's just how it was. Years later, I met my current partner and they showed me how to enjoy sex. Back in those days the only out queer women tended to have a more masculine style, so I felt I was just confused because I didn't have the same appearance or style sense as them.

You're allowed to dress however you want and identify however you want, none of the above has to define you in any way, shape, or form! When I began to come out to my friends, I almost felt guilty for giving in to my stereotype — I was becoming what most people accused me of anyway. Your experiences and personal mindset shape who you are, not other people. Experiment, explore, and discover who you were meant to be. Make mistakes, break hearts, and educate those who will listen!

Google is your best friend! Always remember to be as understanding of them — as you want them to be of you. It will probably not happen and if it did, the sex will probably be bad. You will get over it and it'll sting like a mother.

gay test

This isn't really advice because this will happen and there is nothing you can do about it. There is an entire community of people like us and a huge selection of potential relationship buddies once you leave school. Nonbinary can mean anything, as long as you feel comfortable. You don't have to bind your chest if you don't want to, but if you do that's fine! And even if you do bind, that doesn't mean you can't rock that adorable new dress on top of it.

Meet more people like you. Join clubs. Don't be afraid to be yourself. You are beautiful and your best friend will become the love of your life.